You Learn....

I wanted something new on this blog.... ages since i last managed to write something.... ages since i even gave writing a thought.... ages since i gave my life a thought....!!!!....
well, just felt like sharing something i had read ages back, pondered over and captured into the one diary i maintain....

After a while, you learn the subtle difference,
Between holding a hand... and chaining a soul

And you learn that - Love doesn't mean leaning;
And company doesn't mean security

And you begin to learn that - Kisses aren't contracts;
And presents aren't promises

And you begin to accept your defeats;
With your head up and your eyes open;
With the grace of a man and not the grief of a child

And learn to build all your roads - on Today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down mid-flight

After a while, you learn that even Sunshine
Burns if you have too much

So, you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul;
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

And you learn that you really can endure... That you really are strong
And you really do have worth

And you learn and learn;
With every person you meet, you learn
With every friend or lover, you learn
With every goodbye . . . you learn.....

These days I am becoming more and more aware how hard my parents work in order to keep me happy and satisfied; and how hard they have worked in the past, and will probably work in the future – the past is a great witness to that. When I look back - and forward- I realize, there is so much I owe them. Really...there is so much I need to return... the list is endless: the money, the love, the affection, the wisdom, the teaching, the entertaining trips to parks –which were never complete without an irritating trip to the bicycle repair shop – the schooling, the whole ‘bringing-up’ thingy, the delicious food (my mom truly makes meal times fun and magical), the ‘pick n drop’ routine from school, tuitions, friends’ houses, tuitions again, school again. And not to forget all those sleepless nights they (mostly my mom because dad had office in the morning) spent, trying to shush an obstinately, crying baby- which, by the way, still cries occasionally!

All the way from cradle up to college (yes, this period is a long and expensive one, excluding the marriage which probably costs as much) they have done everything to provide me with whatever I need, no matter how big or small. Along the way, they have, miraculously, even kept up with all the unreasonable tantrums and moaning I have thrown their way. Wow! I wonder where they got so much patience from. When I think of their patience, I cannot help but feel like a total spoiled brat who never really appreciated her parents as much as she should have. I do help around, yes, but I don’t think the stuff I do is enough recompense. So what if I wash the dishes a couple of times? So what if I wash my own clothes and socks –a difficult task indeed, but don’t pity me since I am greatly blessed with a two-tub washing machine. So what if I help out with the cooking and the cleaning sometimes? So what if I try to keep my room clean and tidy so that my mother doesn’t get angry? Am I really paying her back by doing all that stuff? No. A simple no because: I was already supposed to do all that. It’s nothing extra I’m doing by doing all the aforementioned stuff.

The bottom line is that I need to do something more in order to repay all that hard work, the hard work that has made me what I am now. For now, I don’t really know what I can do apart from, well, being grateful and doing all I can to serve them. Cups of hot, tea served on time, brewed and sweetened to perfection. Making them proud by becoming a good professional and trying to repay some money (will probably only be able to return an infinitesimal amount) of all that they have spent on me. Hhmm…will have to rack my brains and come up with more ways to make em’ happy. For now, Cheerio!

PS : I know how cheesy that ‘making meal times magical’ sounds but that’s how I feel when I sit down for breakfast, lunch and dinner. :)-

PPS : Before Afroz comments again that i have become boring and write a lot of serious stuff lately...... MY NEXT POST HOPEFULLY WOULD BE NOT SOO SERIOUS......

The Purpose of our lives.....

That wind that blew into my face and illuminated every bit of me, that untangled voice inside my head that showed me the way ahead, that smell of the damp earth that tingled my nostrils and yet made me feel so comfortable, that silence that enveloped the night and made me feel so secure, that moment of pure carpe diem, that moment of pure joy, that moment of life, that moment was when i was a child.

Now is a new place, now I'm a new face, now I know not what I mean, I'm not safe, not secure, not comfortable, always contemplating, always thinking. They say don't give it too much thought - that was then and this is now. But it's not so simple, my mind wanders, it thinks, it contemplates - and all it sees is the hollow image of a girl surrounded by a hollow world.

What happened to the values that we were taught when we were small, what happened to living for a purpose and living for a cause, what happened to all the talk on a meaningful existence, what happened to the world?

Was it all fake - all that was taught to us as children - was it all a setup just as our entire lives now are - was it all just a hollow thought put into the minds of children?

The values that were passed down the years are broken in front of me for trivial things. I remember taking a vow when I was small - 'to follow the path of righteousness even if it meant risking the thing one most cared for' - now I see these values crushed in every step i take - bribery, deceit, corruption, lies weren't all these attributes bad? Didn't all of us vow to be good individuals, to never lie, to live a pure life that made sense. Do our lives make sense anymore? Aren't we living like zombies - where is the reason to live. I asked the question to someone, 'why do you live' only to receive the reply 'to earn money support my family'.

Do we live only to earn money, struggle, support our families and die? Why is this lack of purpose not bothering anyone else - whose lives are just a timetable that they have to follow without thought? No one cares; we bend rules, regulations, morals and even our ideals-where needed; just to stick to the 'timetable of life'. Doing all this, we still teach our kids about a life of righteousness - about freedom - about purpose, when we lack one ourselves.

Isn't happiness, truthfulness, the joy of being able to live a guilt free life, to be able to look everyone else in the face, to be able to sleep peacefully at night, to be able to think for ourselves, to be able to pursue what matters the most to one's self without regret of hurting others - the purpose of our lives? Or is just money, success, fame our purpose.

A meaningful existence, isn't that our objective? Today, in this place: no one knows - no one thinks, no one questions. Even though we should live in the present it is important that we do not forget our past, the values, the PURPOSE.

We were taught as children what was the path of righteousness - I do not know if it was hollow or not - but I believed it in then and I do not understand why we don't now. Our lives would be so much better - so much simpler - and so much more meaningful. Let's live as children again- pure, secure, true and meaningful.

Just got an insight about my inner self on a social networking site...... Kindda liked it enough to have posted it here......

You hide your emotion sometimes .You are a moon type of person. You tend to be the quiet type or in contrast, you are happy but sometimes you act it out in order for you to no burden your friends with your problems. You've faced some problems in your life. Your heart has dealt blows before. You tend to think about things a lot more than other people. And you may get annoyed with people who act out without thinking about what would happen later.You are also the type of person that others often come to you with their problems because you've been through plenty, and you are very understanding. Though you sometimes feel lonely. Your demeanor is usually chill, and relaxed.You usually are logical, and rely a lot on facts and information on decisions. You often keep things to yourself. This is just one side of you, and you have different faces in different situations and environments, just like the moon has phases.