The terror shook the base of the Aamchi Mumbai once again – The so called “city that never sleeps” literally did not sleep for those two tragic nights. The stab has left behind deep scars which might never level out. As I ponder and look back at those three days of my life when I constantly imagined the banging of the door, the house being barged into, the switching off of lights at night sending a chill down my spine, and the fear of death staring at me on the face, I realize that it suddenly instilled into me a maturity that I never possessed, the realization that once I leave home in the morning for college, class and office, there is a probability that I might never return.

I might not have suffered even a negligible percentage of the trauma that many did face, but I have come to realize a lot of things which might just stay with me for the rest of my life span :

<!--[if !supportLists]-->Ø <!--[endif]-->The “undying spirit of Mumbai” and the fact that Mumbaikars boldly face all such circumstances is as unreal as a mirage in the desert. The spirit has actually suffered a setback. Many might not agree, but I really believe, let’s just do away with this hyped up nonsense – let’s simply accept the fact that it did shatter each one of us to atleast some degree. It surely did scare the shit out of us.

<!--[if !supportLists]-->Ø <!--[endif]-->I had been eagerly waiting for those times when I would turn 18 years of age and join the rest of my family to the polling booth. This time that I am actually eligible to vote, I doubt I want to any longer…..Who do I vote for? Aren’t they all a part o f the same dung? Do we really have a choice?

<!--[if !supportLists]-->Ø <!--[endif]-->Well, actually, we don’t miss the terrorists too often…..when they are not in town, we have Mr. Raj Thackeray to fill in the space…..Riots, curfews, taxis and buses being blown up, people being mercilessly injured and killed is not an unusual site in his absence. Just the doers of such misdeeds are the terrorists this time. All I can hope for is that he does not degrade himself again by bringing up the whole issue of Maharashtra devoid of North Indians ever again. The insult that he faced in the hands of the media and the Mumbaikars should hopefully be sufficient enough to bring him back to his senses.

<!--[if !supportLists]-->Ø <!--[endif]-->My level of imagination went only to the extent that food, oil and other such basic commodities provided by the government could be adulterated and of highly cheap quality. However, we paid a very heavy price in terms of the death of innumerable commandos and army men to realize that the bulletproof jackets supplied to them were nothing more than five kilograms added to their weights – they were of the cheapest possible quality and in no way prevented bullets from piercing and tearing through their bodies.

I might just be tagged a pessimist, but I really doubt if these incidents and subsequent resignations by many of our already incompetent politicians will in any way change the situation for the better. All that we can do is hold our hands near our hearts, bow our heads and salute the real heroes of our country – the army men, the commandos and the police forces.

In the meanwhile, Mr. Ram Gopal Verma, did you find a dumb story to add to your wasteful crap that you gifted to Bollywood after the tour through the devastated Taj? Maybe you would just title it ‘Taj ki Aag’ this time? And for Riteish, we understand that you do not have enough movie projects in hand, but it would just be better if you could stick at home instead of engaging the police force and guards to take you around, atleast not now when the city is yet trying to recover and when the forces have better work to do than take you around for a tour…..what say?

What's on the Bollywood Platter this month ???

Zzzzzzzzzz…………..is all I could hear in the theatre hall while the film Karzzzz was being SUPPOSEDLY “watched” by the minimal audience. I really thought that the “minimal audience” formed a part of that lukha population who either had too much of wasteful time or were born with silver spoons in their mouths to waste a whole Rs. 350/- for listening to HR’s ‘nasal twang’ or watching HR’s “Chinese Hair Cut” makeover and yet another new babe relentlessly trying to make it big in the Bollywood Circus…After these comments of mine, if u r in the pensive mood of asking me why I was in the theatre hall, well that day I belonged to the first category of the afore mentioned two kinds : didn’t have too much work to do that day, and my ticket was being sponsored by someone else……so, I didi’t mind…. Or atleast I thought so. I hated myself for falling in for the free ticket and weekend outing. Couldn’t I do anything better for those (now seeming) precious 3 hours? I could have well seen Dil Ka Rishta, Shaka Laka Boom Boom or Good Boy Bad Boy rather than see HR donning the Rishi Kapoor style, trying harder than ever to make it look genuine.

‘Fashion’ is a film I really want to see….ahem ahem… I have wanted to see over a million other movies in the past one week but none of my ideas have really materialized. The same goes for this Priyanka Chopra, Kangana Ranaut and Harman Baweja starrer. I don’t know how successful the film would be….Lets just say the “madhur Bhandarkar” tag promises a return for value.

‘Hello’ has already proved out to be a disaster, more like th book that inspired it viz. A Night @ the Call Centre….’EMI’ sounds decent, but I’m seriously in no mood of taking a chance this time…. I am waiting desperately….where are the reviews and ratings yaar????

PS : For those relatively ignorant about who HR is, well it obviously does not stand for ‘Human Resources’ (DUHHH…..) If you yet have the craving to know, he is one of the finest and best nasal singers (actually the only one India proudly has)….. The best thing u can do to a person you violently hate, is give him/her a DVD set of Aap Ka Suroor and Karzzzzzzz…… However, if you are found dead, ascertained to be murdered by that same person for the mentioned gift… the blogger and any of her allies are under no obligation or cannot be held responsible for any piece of advice provided herein.

DAY : Wednesday
DATE : 08/10/08
TIME : 2:30 in the afternoon

OCCASION : Not something too special, just that a minor ‘Hurdle’(if I may be allowed to say so) of my life has come and gone by…..My SYBCom. Exams for the first Semester are over.

STATE OF MIND : As usual…blank. Partied with friends after the exams, a small brunch party. Everyone’s back to office. I too, am stuck with a nasty Tax Audit of a ‘Late Latif’ client under my charge who suddenly wakes up to submit his documents, details and software backup in the first week of October, only to highly oblige the Income Tax Department.

FEELINGS : Great and immense hatred for the concerned client. Longing for the clock to strike 5:45 so that I may leave office on the pretext that I have some lectures to attend at some non-existent coaching centre (I use this excuse atleast twice a week to get rid of office work).

CONSTANT PROBLEM : Video cameras placed almost all over office which constantly survey all movement in the office premises (now now, please don’t get any clichéd and lukha thoughts into your mind…….saying this only because a couple of wasteful friends of mine who I told this to reacted with raised eyebrows, open mouths and an ‘ooooooooooooh’.)

SECOND PROBLEM : Articleship (Internship is the synonym…. For many of my Science counterparts who do not seem to understand what ‘articleship’ would be). Does it really have to be as long as 3.5 years at a stretch? Is it really aimed at making us (to be) successful professionals of the near future (my fingers are kept crossed)? And worse, are we really believed to be superhumans? We ‘bechara bachchas’ run from classes to college to office and back home all set to make optimum use of all our books (well, studies actually is usually a mere ritual carried out atmost once a week for not more than a couple of hours, simply out of sheer obligation to our parents and professors). All of us seriously deserve a break from our 48 hour days.

YET ANOTHER PROBLEM : I sometimes really feel like sponsoring the whole of the tuition fees to the office boy so that he may learn how to make decent tea/ coffee (we sometimes even fail to realize which is what !). he desperately requires some help in this department.

BIGGEST CURRENT ISSUE : My boss might just be eyeing me for hitting the keys of the keyboard so mercilessly and depreciating his computer at a rampant pace. High time that I get back to cursing my client and proceeding with his $#!@%^* ITR 4, while waiting for a pathetic tasting coffee to arrive at my desk……..

There are moments in life when we look at someone and say, “He is what I wanted to be.” Be it Sachin or Elvis or your class topper. It is very natural and healthy to feel so especially when our career grounds are to be laid. Everybody assays, but not many make it to the top.

Success is more of a journey than a destination, demanding time, tide and talent. The secret of success is practically unveiled in all motivation books and seminars. While the formulae are different, the results converge at perspiration and perseverance. What go unsaid are the simplest, yet the most efficient tips of all.

That 1-degree separation between the men who land on stars and those on the moon, is the small, unseen compromises that they readily make. Going to the top does not mean sleepless nights, but conquering the 5 minutes of sleep after the alarm. Success is not the harvest of doing nothing else but working, it takes doing everything else with work as the backdrop. Ideas and solutions need not be necessarily be devoted as table work, but should be allowed to flash anytime, while we eat or walk or bathe. It is even said that the greatest of ideas spark in the lavatory! Living the dream realizes it.

Achievers were not trouble free; personal, pecuniary and social, they had it all. Just that they shed it before envisioning their purpose. Problems are a handicap only to those people who do not know the meaning of a hurdle. And most essentially, as Vivekananda stated, “concentrate on the game, not on the trophy.” The trophy may be tempting, but it is the game that requires a strategy.

Success is an attitude of mind. When the mind is the aggressor, it certainly commands caliber. While the big secrets get focused, the small ones often go unnoticed. Mastering these basics is one definite prodigious step. It is true, big men make small, yet judicious compromises.

PS : The ‘Gyaan’ shared above is not something I follow myself….I have read the saying ‘Practise what you preach’, but have myself not been able to conquer those 5 precious minutes of sleep after the alarm. My parents have been highly unsuccessful in teaching me this(or lets just say, I have been highly reluctant to accept it), and they till date have to mercilessly kick me out of bed. The most challenging job that my parents indulge into in any single day ranges every morning from 5:30 to 5:45 am when I am supposed to be woken up…...

......Sometimes the running away plan screams "good idea" to me - of course the practical side of me knows better, but the fantasy occasionally makes sense through the filter of the day to day crap. There are soccer kids in the field, I am deciding about getting lost in a silly movie or just calling it a day off. decisions, decisions.....yet to be taken......

OK, I agree I don’t write too often but today…I feel like I want to do just that. Write. I am listening to this song, “Khuda Jaane” from the new movie- Bachna ae Haseeno. For the twelfth time (maybe…I kind of lost count after the sixth time!!!!) back to back. And I couldn’t help but smile. The first time I heard it, today, was at the CCD. Not my “first time” listening to the song. Had heard the song a dozen times before. But I noticed the changes in my reactions, my moods as I kept listening to it more and more.

If I am allowed to be a bit boring- according to the law of diminishing marginal utility (in economics), a bit more of the same thing tends to lessen the utility (or the likeability) factor of that thing. But seems like that doesn’t apply to this song. At least where I am concerned. The CCD scene got over at 9.30 pm. By the time I came home and kept listening to the song – when I finally sat down with my Cosmopolitan (while the rest of the family retired for the day), I starting realizing that the juices in my head were working on a different level.

As I proceeded listening to the song for the thirteenth time I realized that I was feeling my romantic best – at 11.31 pm (to be precise)!!!!!!!! As I cuddle against my pillow, stare at the pitch darkness- with occasional twinkling of the lights as the traffic passes by- I can’t stop thinking of how much I want someone with me at this very instant, sharing this moment- this rare feeling- with me. How I wanted to pour my heart out – all my romantic feelings and love- to that special someone. How I wished he was here holding me close, slow dancing with me, matching every move of his own with mine, speaking to me without even saying a word, hanging on to everything I had to say – while I myself said nothing at all. How he would just be there- and that would be all. His presence would be all that would be required for the twinkle in my eyes, the choking feeling of repressed feelings- all waiting to pour out when he turned around with the look that said he understands everything I have to say- the feeling of being ALIVE, the dreamy look, the feeling of…..God, an unbelievable sense of being MYSELF. The feeling to let go and just be me. No pretense, no inhibitions, just a feeling of – complete freedom.

Dammit- I don’t feel any less mushy as I go on to listen to the song for the fifteenth time. It just heightens the feeling, the romance in the air. The lyrics, the passion, the music just echoes the need for a little romance in the lives of every person listening to it. Try listening to it in the middle of the night -with no noise -and just absorb the surrounding while you do that. Strangely I feel content- even though my (imaginary) beloved isn’t here to make all those fantasies come true. The smile on my face while writing this, speaks of the fact that I might be really enjoying the atmosphere and my own company with such melody playing in the background.

For God’s sake- if it rained right now, I’d know the scene would demand some dancing in the rains. Slow, painfully slow- dancing, that is- with the passions heightening within the circle of entwined arms, the knowledge of the things to come and yet knowing that what we have is just enough- for the moment.

God, what’s going on here???? Where did all that come from??? When did I start talking mushy so blatantly??? I know- when I felt in tune with myself. When I let myself a moment to be with –ME. It surprised…no, it actually shocked me. Smiling at myself while I imagined how I would do all those things – innocent, heart felt, soul touching moments. A passion at a different level, an emotion one of a kind, a heart felt warm, cozy (mushy), lovely, gooey – sensation. I know one thing for sure – let yourself a moment of quiet, listen to a song ( any song that lets you be in the moment I am experiencing…while I write), live in the moment and feel- feel the slow flow in your mind and heart, feel the easy restlessness and relaxation churn inside making you confused and warm all at once, feel the smile creep up while you feel all that. The key here is – FEEL. Fall in love with yourself and know that you can love. Be ready- for when love strikes (and that too, unexpected) you need to be ready to share all the love you can come up with…with all you have to give.

As you ponder on that thought- I shall go back to listening to MY song for the eighteenth time ( I guess!!!). And finally it starts raining!!!!! Time for me to leave myself –alone, that is.