A lot of times I find myself always thinking about how I ended up here. I think about the past and remember the things I did to create the results of the present. I cringe when I think of the moments that could have gone better, however, just by saying “could have,” I’m already letting myself know that things can’t change anymore. I love the saying, “if you can’t change the past, change your attitude”........ If only I could do it.....

The first time I visit a shop, I’m a regular customer. But the second time I go, I’m royalty. Salespeople come rushing up from every corner of the store, the manager addresses me by name, and I’m assigned an exclusive shop assistant for the duration of my visit. For the longest time, I attributed this special treatment to my charm, but after introspection and several hits to my bank balance, I’ve realised that my lack of bargaining skills are the real reason.

I’ve had the opportunity to watch some prize bargain queens and kings at work. I’ve observed how they plough masterfully towards their targets, and how they let nothing get in the way. And from these observations, I’ve understood that getting an extra tissue on demand at a café does not constitute a good bargain. I also know now that bargaining may be an art, but copying the masters achieves nothing except an unflattering likeness to a simian in a panchatantra story.

If you’re like me, ie the hieroglyphic symbol for loser shopper, here’s the greatest bargain you’re ever likely to get. You can share my failure for free, instead of getting your own at the cost of angst and embarrassment.

One person’s masterstroke could be another person’s stroke: My sister and I were shopping for ethnic totes at a street bazaar in Delhi when my sis pointed at one she liked. The burly XL stall owner quoted a price. My sister named a figure that was low enough to make me squirm. Monster man dropped his price a shade. At this point, my skinny teenaged sis looked straight at him and said “I’m beginning to get angry now”. She said this softly, with a smile on her face, and the stall owner was shocked into nervously looking around for skulking armed men, before he wordlessly handed her the tote.

This is easy, I thought. So I tried it at another street stall in another city. “I’m beginning to get angry now” I said at the right moment, my voice velvety soft and Brandoesque. Almost on cue, things started to happen. The stall owner quickly pushed a chair towards me and gestured for water. “BP patient hai”, he whispered knowingly to his assistant, and handed me a glass crusted with fingerprints. While I pretended to sip the slightly murky water, the man regaled me with stories about his own blood pressure travails. I left after a while, with a recipe for bitter gourd juice (BP ke liye ekdum first class) but sadly, no bargain.

Starting from scratch: When a salesperson tried to convince me to buy the last refrigerator in the store, ie the display one, I decided to capitalise on the bargaining opportunity. I knew what to do, having watched my bargain black belt friends closely. I disdainfully pointed out a near invisible scratch near the door (I think I might have created it while pointing it out) and demanded a discount. The salesman quickly dropped the price and before you could say freeze, I paid for the piece. When the refrigerator was unpacked at home, I realised the scratch was truly invisible, as it was eclipsed by at least 3 dents on the door. The crisper tray looked distinctly French, as the r had been rubbed by enthusiastic shoppers. The egg trays croak ominously every time I open the door, and soon, I should be able to save myself the first step of making omelettes.

Great timing comes at a cost: Yippee, it was sale time! The time of the year when bargain royalty moves in and gets stuff it might need later. Well, I got that bit right; when I swooped down on a brilliantly discounted dishwasher I didn’t need. It arrived in perfect condition, though I can’t say the same about many other things anymore.
My jars have melted into size 0 shapes, which are great for the catwalk but not for storing things. I've had to replace them with dishwasher safe ones (read imported, read expensive). My electricity bills have doubled as have my tea and biscuit expenses. The last two are courtesy my erstwhile human dishwasher, who has no work left and uses my home as a café for her mid morning breaks.

Make a fresh start: Whatever the evidence against it, I’ve started believing in reincarnation. It's my best chance to be brilliant at bargaining. Yes I realise I might be reborn a mosquito, but if I can get a great deal on a repellent-free home, I’ll take my chances.

PS : This post is not written by the author

PPS : The PS reminds of a novel I assort among a wonderful few.... and personally close to my heart.... PS, I LOVE U....

It is this time when you are far away from the one you love, that you realize the importance he holds in your life…

It is this time when you realize that he might never feel, touch and hold you the same way again , that the fear starts percolating and sinking into your soul…

It is this time when you are clueless about what the circumstances would be a dozen of months later, that the uncertainty creeps in it…

It is this time when you hope as hell that things will just always be the same, but the pessimism seems to snooze your brains off…

It is this time when you simply want to cling to the present, coz that’s the best thing ever happened to you, and all that you could ever ask for,

But you know that time is slipping off your fist like white coarse sand… and all you can do is wait for the tide to wash it away…or better still, leave behind on the shore a shimmering pearl…...

I think it’s the terrible Mumbai heat that makes me desperately await the rains….I find myself craving for the first shower and the sweet smell of the wet Earth. I crave to see the freshness of the bright green leaves, and the grey and dull, but promising skies. I crave for the carelessness and jaunt I possess during a downpour. I crave to behave like a drunk immature child again, very different from the serene, professional and mature attitude I otherwise possess. I crave to dance as if the world has abandoned humanity…..it comprising only ME……………and HIM….

PS: And more than ever, I crave for our late night bike rides amidst the rains. Our wet bodies close. My undoubted faith in him. The peace and quiet on the roads except the trickling waters and the faint rustle of the leaves…..And then, he randomly turning back for a split second to plant a quick peck on my cheek….

PPS: A close friend asked me why I hadn’t managed to write something myself lately, in the past couple of weeks…. I replied that my source of inspiration had been lost.
Then my nautanki mind thought of this…

Mein blogger to nahi….Magar ae hasin,
Jab se dekha maine tujko, mujko,
Blogging aa gayi…

Read something on FB..just felt like sharing on my blog...

I choose to love you in silence, for in silence I find no rejection. I choose to love you in your loneliness, for in your loneliness no one owns you, but me....

"I see the dark skies, as dark and dull as my heart feels. I know that it is an explicit sign that it is going to rain, and so it did soon. Off I rush out from the building, heading towards my car, I hear drops falling down…Drop…drop.. drop.. One by one, but the rain’s not heavy. Merely minimal. Deep inside my heart, I silently wish that the rain would cease. Come visit me again someday else, just not now when everything seems so wrong. When you wish the rain could stop, it gets heavier and heavier…..Norms! I trust there will be a rainbow after the rain, for I could cross over it, and find for myself a pot of happiness, and perhaps some luck too. I promise to myself, I will be better after this terrible rain. I will…"

“Good morning honey.….”her soft deep husky voice was trying to wake him up…”Tea’s ready sweetie…C’mon, get up quickly, have a quick breakfast, quickly dress up for work, and drop me to office on your way…. Her ‘quickly’ tweeted incessantly in all her sentences, and the way she pronounced the latter ‘kly’ sounded so beautiful…. It sounded as wonderful as a fresh morning….

“Na…let’s take an off from work…let’s just call it a day….we’ll talk all day long…and we haven’t been to the beachside lately….haven’t caught up with you since ages baby….” He clasped her wrist tenderly and drew her closer…. She giggled,…”not today husband…it’s just the first working day of the week….” She tried to jitter away…water dripped down her black wet curly hair right on his face…. the sun shone on her face that gave it a golden glow…. her lips entwined into a shy mischievous childish smile that he had always been so fond of, which made all his stress magically vanish in seconds…her cheeks donned that stunning little dimple once again….and her jet black piercing eyes looked all the more gorgeous and animated. The morning air blew some strands of her hair over her eyes, which she pushed back in the most weird fashion that only made her look prettier and more coveted…..and her eyebrows narrowed as she gave him a naughty romantic look….He just couldn’t take his eyes off her, while she planted a quick kiss on his forehead…..

“All the more reason I stay in bed a little longer…”he chided….



A three lettered word for ‘My perfect little World’…..YOU



PS : As I type this, I wish life was so beautiful and fun…the perfect ‘YOU’ waking me up each morning…..
Well the bitter truth remains that my mum practically kicks me out of bed every morning… and I must confess, its disastrous…Its not like one millionth as good as mentioned in the post…I am made to realize that my TY Exams are not yet over, and …..”Ane CA Final have bau door nathi ha….have to vachvanu chalu kar….neto pachchi chhela chaar mahina ma radvano vaaro aavse….. “ heheheh………….

Kuch unki adaa ne luta, kuch unki inayat maar gayi

Hum raaz-e-dil keh na paaye, chup rehne ki ye adaat maar gayi

Tamanna to thi unko jee bhar k dekhne ki,par hume ankho ki ye sharafat maar gayi

Dono se hi shikwa hume, ilzam lagaye kis par,Kuch humne apne aapko barbaad kiya aur kuch hume kismat maar gayi....

Over the months, I was stuck to this one dream. A wish that I desperately hoped would be fulfilled…I see it withering before me right now….I know at the back of my mind that it’s gonna lose hold…. I see it going farther away from me each moment….and yet, I am stupid enough not to accept it….. I am yet stubbornly holding on to it, and madly hoping it would materialize in the near future. I really have no clue why my head denies to believe the truth… the truth that the dream is nearly almost shattered and broken and gone….Maybe I just don’t want to bring myself to face the bitter reality…Perhaps this is what they call hope….Maybe that’s what they meant when they said ‘ Umeed pe duniya kayaam hai…’


PS: Yet another of my overtly senti and emotional writings…I don’t know why, but I just feel like putting in a disclaimer here….All that I write in the blog may not even be remotely linked to my life. I get quite a few FB messages and emails asking what’s wrong with me soon after I post something real thought provoking and serious…I just want my readers to know that these posts are nothing more than random thoughts put in words….not anything essentially related to my course of life….

PPS: I heard that song from ‘Kites’…the Hrithik and Barbara starrer….just loved it….the lyrics actually make no sense and the song seems to have no meaning in its entirety, but yet, something about it is real magical and beautiful….desperately waiting for the movie to be released ….in the meanwhile….Intezaar kab tak, hum karenge bhala….Tumhe pyaar kab tak, na karenge bhala….

PPPS : Hum haste hai toh woh samjhte hai ki inhe aadat hai muskurane ki
par woh nadan kya samjhe ki yeh bhi ek ada hai gum chupane ki................

The best days of their life had been spent together. The past 7 years. Since the first few days of college to around some time back, they had no idea of what life would be without each other. They had never needed no third person. For both, life circulated around they, them, themselves….. And now, all this would be nothing more than the gone days to hold on to, nothing more than a past that would pour in sweet memories, nothing more than a gone phase of their lives that would always come back as mere tears. He was moving to Delhi – Forever.

They promised to talk each night. They promised to never forget kissing each other good night over the phone. They promised to let each other know of even the smallest and the most insignificant occurrences in their lives. They promised to make up for the lost time together every time he flew back to Mumbai. They promised to always be as deeply in love till eternity…….but deep within they knew that a long distance relationship was not going to work. Life and routine would draw them apart.

They had met at a beach for the final adieu. The waves lashed the shore incessantly. The blue green sea, the sandy beach and the orange tinge of the setting sun in the misty blue sky….everything was just so perfect….Everything….except for the dilemma they were in….They simply stared in each others’ eyes. Nothing needed be said at that point of time. He held her close, ruffled his fingers through her hair, drew her closer and kissed her…. It was a long passionate slow kiss…….but she also knew that it was maybe the last one. She knew she would miss the flirtatious romance, the warmth of his breath, the strong hold of his arms, the wasteful fights and arguments and the sweet apologies that followed. She would miss sitting on his lap and resting her head against his chest. She would miss him complimenting her smile. She would miss the good night kisses. And most importantly, she would miss her shadow that always walked with her, stood by her and supported her by all times.

Tears rolled down her eyes. Over the years she had never thought of a life without him. She let go of his hold and turned around to go back home. Her feet couldn’t move away, but she knew she would have to. She pacified her heart that things would be the same, but a loud clear voice rung over her head – a long distance relationship would never work. She forced herself to walk….walk away from him. After a distance, she turned back for a small last glimpse of his. He was yet there…..calm, serene and teary, waiting to hold her again….perhaps for the one last time.....again. She ran back – back into his arms. They kissed. They kissed as if there the world was theirs. They kissed as if no circumstances would ever draw them apart. They kissed as if there was no tomorrow. …And with a new surge, they decided that they would make things work. A long distance relationship would work out. A few thousand kilometers would be no obstacle to their love and emotions. They would surely make it work….

I desperately need a break fro_ office…. A long break to enjoy… I actually have reasons… Exa_ results, appreciation in office (actually way too _uch publicity than what I had ever expected, or wanted for that _atter..), a few other sweet things worth cherishing happening in _y life, an aweso_e song being dedicated to _e by one of _y coolest friends, a _ajor project in the pipeline that I a_ looking forward to desperately in office, a ‘2 _onth old’ new found friend (I dunno if I a_ _aking sense…) and a few _ore reasons that acknowledge _e to take a few days off…..


I feel like traveling the length and breadth of south India, fro_ the back waters of Kerala to the s_oky _ountains down south, covering the sands of Goa and the te_ples of Ta_il Nadu. . . Should be one hellava trip….Gosh, I cant wait….



And co_ing back to face the hard core bitter reality of life, wherein I a_ not being granted any break fro_ office.. ( ;-) …, not really though)…I feel I a_ losing clarity of what needs to be done…This is like the basis and hall_ark of _y survival since the ti_e I can re_e_ber… vagueness and a_biguity of what I need to do next...



As of now, all I know is _y leave has been approved… but not for ro_ancing a trip to south India… but for sitting down with studies… high ti_e I start off with _y TY studies….exa_s less than a _onth away… (Actually, every ti_e I feel a bit serious about studies, they postpone the exa_inations…. What incentive do I then have to study any _ore…???)



And, I don’t know why I a_ _entioning this…. No contextual relationship with this post (ofcourse, that is subject to this post having a single line of thought process, which it anyways does not…), but I wish I had a gun AND a couple of _urders in a lifeti_e were allowed by the legal syste_ of the country…. I have a few people in _ind who I can do without….





PS : How difficult it is difficult to read this post without the ‘M’… I hope I don’t have to spend any part of my life without ‘M’….

He was my hero… One of my idols in my growing up years; and will remain so till the end of my days. This man was now crumbling before my eyes… When our icons crash, when they seem so vulnerable, so human - like any amongst us, no words can express the pathos of the moment- of utter despondency and of unfathomable darkness…

This was my very first post on this blog....simply love it...:) :) :)

OK, I agree I don’t write too often but today…I feel like I want to do just that. Write. I am listening to this song, “Khuda Jaane” from the new movie- Bachna ae Haseeno. For the twelfth time (maybe…I kind of lost count after the sixth time!!!!) back to back. And I couldn’t help but smile. The first time I heard it, today, was at the CCD. Not my “first time” listening to the song. Had heard the song a dozen times before. But I noticed the changes in my reactions, my moods as I kept listening to it more and more.

If I am allowed to be a bit boring- according to the law of diminishing marginal utility (in economics), a bit more of the same thing tends to lessen the utility (or the likeability) factor of that thing. But seems like that doesn’t apply to this song. At least where I am concerned. The CCD scene got over at 9.30 pm. By the time I came home and kept listening to the song – when I finally sat down with my Cosmopolitan (while the rest of the family retired for the day), I starting realizing that the juices in my head were working on a different level.

As I proceeded listening to the song for the thirteenth time I realized that I was feeling my romantic best – at 11.31 pm (to be precise)!!!!!!!! As I cuddle against my pillow, stare at the pitch darkness- with occasional twinkling of the lights as the traffic passes by- I can’t stop thinking of how much I want someone with me at this very instant, sharing this moment- this rare feeling- with me. How I wanted to pour my heart out – all my romantic feelings and love- to that special someone. How I wished he was here holding me close, slow dancing with me, matching every move of his own with mine, speaking to me without even saying a word, hanging on to everything I had to say – while I myself said nothing at all. How he would just be there- and that would be all. His presence would be all that would be required for the twinkle in my eyes, the choking feeling of repressed feelings- all waiting to pour out when he turned around with the look that said he understands everything I have to say- the feeling of being ALIVE, the dreamy look, the feeling of…..God, an unbelievable sense of being MYSELF. The feeling to let go and just be me. No pretense, no inhibitions, just a feeling of – complete freedom.

Dammit- I don’t feel any less mushy as I go on to listen to the song for the fifteenth time. It just heightens the feeling, the romance in the air. The lyrics, the passion, the music just echoes the need for a little romance in the lives of every person listening to it. Try listening to it in the middle of the night -with no noise -and just absorb the surrounding while you do that. Strangely I feel content- even though my (imaginary) beloved isn’t here to make all those fantasies come true. The smile on my face while writing this, speaks of the fact that I might be really enjoying the atmosphere and my own company with such melody playing in the background.

For God’s sake- if it rained right now, I’d know the scene would demand some dancing in the rains. Slow, painfully slow- dancing, that is- with the passions heightening within the circle of entwined arms, the knowledge of the things to come and yet knowing that what we have is just enough- for the moment.

God, what’s going on here???? Where did all that come from??? When did I start talking mushy so blatantly??? I know- when I felt in tune with myself. When I let myself a moment to be with –ME. It surprised…no, it actually shocked me. Smiling at myself while I imagined how I would do all those things – innocent, heart felt, soul touching moments. A passion at a different level, an emotion one of a kind, a heart felt warm, cozy (mushy), lovely, gooey – sensation. I know one thing for sure – let yourself a moment of quiet, listen to a song ( any song that lets you be in the moment I am experiencing…while I write), live in the moment and feel- feel the slow flow in your mind and heart, feel the easy restlessness and relaxation churn inside making you confused and warm all at once, feel the smile creep up while you feel all that. The key here is – FEEL. Fall in love with yourself and know that you can love. Be ready- for when love strikes (and that too, unexpected) you need to be ready to share all the love you can come up with…with all you have to give.

As you ponder on that thought- I shall go back to listening to MY song for the eighteenth time ( I guess!!!). And finally it starts raining!!!!! Time for me to leave myself –alone, that is.

Raat ke andhere se haar kar chala tha main
socha tha raahon mein roshni to hogi
dhundla sa kahi savera to milega
Koi kiran badalon se nikli to hogi.

Sab raahon ka ant ho gaya
ab tak gum wo savera hai
socha tha raahon me roshni to hogi
aur yahaan manzil par bhi andhera hai….